768 Steps

I'll never again complain about government paperwork in the US.  Here's a description of how to get a birth certificate for a child born in Uganda...and burn off a few extra pounds in the process.  I've written this out to help other missionary families who have children here, but thought it might be a bit entertaining for the rest of you as well:

1. Go with hospital notice of birth and discharge papers to Georgian building on George St.

2.  Climb stairs to 4^th floor (Ugandan Statistics Bureau) and pick up paper for Birth Certificate Application

3.  Go down the stairs, completely fill out application, find a shop with a copy machine and make copies of the application and other papers from the hospital.

4.  Take all papers to the City Council Offices (ones between KPC and Kiseka mkt)

5.  Since there will be no one at the desk in the Reception area, ask for directions to the office of the registrar of births and deaths (currently in the basement of the building)

6.  Get papers stamped, and take them upstairs to the City Clerk’s office to have them signed.

7.  Take stamped and signed papers back to the Georgian building.  Climb the stairs again to the 4^th floor.

8.  Take the papers to the same desk where you picked up the application, have them reviewed to make sure they are complete, then take them to the adjacent office to get the bank-charge assessment.

9.  Give your papers to the most important looking person you see, then have a seat and prepare to wait for a while.  Praise God if you remembered a book and bottle of water.

10.  If the power stays on, after receiving your assessment, skip to #18.  Or, if your experience is like mine and the power goes off….

11.  Read your book and enjoy the company of those who continue to join you in the small, dark, and now aromatic room.

12.  If the power stays off for at least 30 minutes and you wait patiently without complaining (unlike most muzungus), a kind gentleman will likely pick up your papers, come to you, and tell you to come with him.

13.  Down the stairs.

14.  While walking with the man to the bank next-door to use their computer to do your bank assessment (since private company offices have back-up power for outages), look at the papers in his hand and inform him that he doesn’t have your papers. 

15.  Take the papers from him as he says, “take these back to the lady in the assessment office, get yours, and meet me at the bank.”

16.  The office is still on the 4^th floor, so take the stairs 2 at a time.  Then try to convince the lady that you actually need your own papers.

17.  Back down the stairs, to the bank next door, find the man who you were with, and he will use the bank’s computer to print off your bank-charge assessment paper.

18.  Wait for an available teller, then pay the assessment amount plus the bank charge.

19.  Up the stairs…again…to the 4^th floor with your bank receipt and all paperwork.  There will now be a new person at the desk that you originally went to, so it will take a few minutes for him to look through all of the papers to be sure you don’t need to run the stairs a few more times for more papers, stamps, or signatures.

20.  After he copies half of the information that you have already written on the form into another book, and has you sign, he will say, “come back in three working days.”

21.  Enjoy going down the stairs for the last time…today.

22.  Three days later, back up the stairs, push through the line, find your child's name in the book of printed birth certificates, yell the name of your child to the lady behind the desk.  After she finds your paper in the stack of about 200 birth certificates (obviously not in alphabetical order), take the paper, run down the stairs.

23.  When you get home, tell your wife it may be time to be finished having children.